View Full Version : God is My Left Testicle

06-10-2004, 04:44 PM
[azmo-MS] LOL, I'd rather be in hell then non-existance
[Hedron] Now here's a fucked up thought
[Hedron] what if...
[azmo-MS] I'd rather be a god damn zombie then non-existance
[Hedron] somehow your conciousness IS tied to your physical body
[Hedron] even after death
[azmo-MS] LOL, I'd rather have that then nothing...
[Hedron] now, you have to decide between cremation, which could
potentially either destroy or free your soul
[Hedron] or, burial, which could either preserve or trap your soul
[azmo-MS] I'd rather sit there lying in the god damn cofin for a
million years then nothing
[azmo-MS] You know what I'm gonna do...
[Hedron] Better get buried with a deck of cards ;]
[azmo-MS] fuck it, I'm freezing myself before I die
[azmo-MS] That way at least I'm not dead yet fuckers!
[Hedron] [laugh] WHEEE!!!!
[azmo-MS] Once you are dead that's it...it's over
[Hedron] Popsimo
[azmo-MS] wheeeeeeeeeee
*** Hedron is now known as Popsidron
[azmo-MS] LOL
*** Popsidron is now known as Hedsicle
[azmo-MS] lol
[Hedsicle] [laugh]
[azmo-MS] you think it's funny, I'm serious.....
[azmo-MS] I'm gonna be a frozen pop!


[Hedsicle] here's a fucked up thought
[azmo-MS] life goes on, but you don't
[Hedsicle] So let's say that there's not a god in the traditional
[Hedsicle] But, let's say that there IS this kind of life-force
thing... kind of like the force in star wars (which is really
just a ripped off eastern concept anyway)
[Hedsicle] and let's say that you CAN, when you die, become a part
of this, and live on
[Hedsicle] BUT, if during your life you have not spent your time
building a connection between your "soul" and this greater whole
[Hedsicle] then when you die, your soul is blown out like candle
in the wind, because it is not drawn to the greater protection
of the whole
[Hedsicle] So, if you're not religious, you really do go to "hell"
or nothing
[Hedsicle] not because of following this commandment or that one
[Hedsicle] but because you have failed to connect yourself to your
fellow man, and the life forces around us
[Hedsicle] Suck on THAT one
[azmo-MS] well put it this way........even if there is a soul...
[azmo-MS] even if there is an afterlife...
[azmo-MS] it's not you
[azmo-MS] you do not go on
[Hedsicle] Why not?
[azmo-MS] look my religeon explains all of this ;pp
[azmo-MS] my new religion that I made up ;pp
[Hedsicle] [laugh] yah?
[azmo-MS] I have about a dozen followers so far ;pp
[Hedsicle] Tell me the tenents, pope-sicle ;]
[azmo-MS] yea, my religion answers every tough question that every
religion is AFRAID to answer!
[Hedsicle] New religion - "freeze yourself! It's the only way!"
[azmo-MS] well you see, there is a supreme being...
[azmo-MS] that being being mother earth
[azmo-MS] the earth is alive.....
[azmo-MS] the earth desires to continue existance...
[azmo-MS] and to expand it's influence throughout the universe
(conquer the universe)
[azmo-MS] in order to do that the earth created tools
[azmo-MS] the earth is still a young being however..
[azmo-MS] and still has much to learn...
[Hedsicle] read this in a sci fi novel a long time ago ;]
[azmo-MS] so it is experimenting...
[azmo-MS] LOL, no way bitch@
[Hedsicle] yep
[azmo-MS] I just made it up ;pp
[azmo-MS] LOL, ok then you tell me the rest
[Hedsicle] maybe ya did, but somebody else did too
[azmo-MS] LOL
[Hedsicle] well, earth grows animals and plants
[Hedsicle] then people to be the custodians of the other thing
[azmo-MS] why?!
[Hedsicle] s
[Hedsicle] but we suck at the job
[azmo-MS] no no no ;pp
[Hedsicle] eventaully, the earth is building us toward being like
"spore" or "seeds"
[Hedsicle] the same way as a flower grows seeds
[azmo-MS] well kinda true...
[Hedsicle] we spread out to propogate the "lviing entity"
[azmo-MS] however the earth is not growing us
[azmo-MS] well the thing is, there are other planets out there
that are alive as well...
[azmo-MS] and they are creating their tools...
[azmo-MS] we are "supposed" to protect earth from other planets...
[Hedsicle] (thinking of myself as the living planet, and my people
as starcraft)
[azmo-MS] lol
[azmo-MS] we are not earth's first attempt....
[azmo-MS] it tried with the dinosaurs and shit...
[azmo-MS] but they were a failed experiment...
[azmo-MS] and the earth wiped the slate clean...
[azmo-MS] we are just a part of the new experiment...
[azmo-MS] but we are the most advanced so far...
[azmo-MS] of all the other forms of tools it has tried...
[azmo-MS] like the other anomals and shit
[azmo-MS] er
[azmo-MS] animals ;pp


[azmo-MS] well I could explain my religion better in person....
[azmo-MS] but what did you think of my theory? ;]
[azmo-MS] heh heh heh
[Hedsicle] Not bad, man
[Hedsicle] So what do we do, worship the earth?
[azmo-MS] my wife says it wont work...
[azmo-MS] because I don't have a gimik
[Hedsicle] Or just try like hell to get techno-cool?
[azmo-MS] yea..
[azmo-MS] we need to technologically advance
[azmo-MS] you know how catholacism has life after death and shit...
[azmo-MS] in my religion when you die you just die ;pp
[Hedsicle] yah...
[Hedsicle] that's not cool, man
[azmo-MS] lol, that's why my wife says I need a gimik ;pp
[azmo-MS] the best part of it though is...
[azmo-MS] when new people join...
[azmo-MS] they have to give me all their wordly posessions...
[azmo-MS] and I'm the only one who can procreate
[azmo-MS] so I get all the women ;]
[Hedsicle] Uh, I like the plan
[Hedsicle] But I'm starting a rival cult
[Hedsicle] Only I get all that shit
[Hedsicle] Here's my theory
[azmo-MS] LOL
[Hedsicle] The true god is my left nut
[Hedsicle] it has secretly implannted itself into me
*** Hedsicle is now known as Testicle
[Testicle] All must worship my left nut
[azmo-MS] LMFAO!
[Testicle] and when anyone joins my cult, I get their women, and they have to get in by sucking my left nut
[Testicle] and then, of course, working their way up
[azmo-MS] LOL
[Testicle] Now, when you die
[Testicle] You become a sperm in my left nut
[Testicle] which eventually, I'll impregnate some bitch with IF you're a good follower
[azmo-MS] so tell me oh great testiclelus...
[Testicle] if youre not, I jerk you off into my hand
[Testicle] LOL
[Testicle] Man, I kill me
[azmo-MS] do you believe that there is other life in the universe?
[azmo-MS] LOL
[azmo-MS] yea that's a good religion ;]
[Testicle] There is other life in the universe... they are called the lost spooge people
[Testicle] when the universe was first formed, my left nut spooged it out everywhere
[azmo-MS] LOL
[Testicle] most of the actual SPERM ended up on earth
[azmo-MS] LOL
[Testicle] and semen makes up the rest of the universe
[azmo-MS] and who created your left nut?
[Testicle] BUT, the lost spooge people were those who were scattered sparsely elsewhere
[Testicle] My left nut is without begining, and without end. It was making spooge before time began
[azmo-MS] LOL
[Testicle] Sometimes, when I wear tighty-whiteys, my left nut becomes angered
[azmo-MS] lol!
[Testicle] and it punishes me by spooging down my leg in public places
[azmo-MS] lol
[Testicle] There are certain things it is good to know
[Testicle] the hair on my balls is sacred.
[azmo-MS] LMFAO!
[azmo-MS] well you better lay hands upon your left nut...
[Testicle] If one of my cult bitches were to get a pube in her
mouth while sucking me... well... she would be blessed above
[azmo-MS] and worship it's greatness
[Testicle] Nah, that's what the cult bitches are for
[azmo-MS] lol
[Testicle] I am the High Priest of the Holy Testicle
[azmo-MS] LOL!
[Testicle] All I have to do is gather the cult bitches, and
sometimes I have to pick out new boxers
[azmo-MS] what a racket
[Testicle] Nations will tremble before my testicle
[azmo-MS] they already do ;pp
[azmo-MS] welp biotch...
[Testicle] And if they will not bow down, my testicle will destroy
them with it spooge of leftiness
[azmo-MS] I'm gonna play some MS for a few more minutes
*** Testicle changes topic to 'My Left Testicle Blesses You'
[azmo-MS] LOL
[Testicle] [laughing]
[Testicle] Ok, biotch
*** Testicle is now known as Hedron
[Hedron] I'm crashing too
*** azmo-MS changes topic to 'All Hail the mighty testicle'
[Hedron] LOL!