View Full Version : A Very Short and Mostly Incorrect Biography of Tyo

08-26-2005, 11:46 PM

Tyo was born in Galena, Illinois on the stormy evening of April 18th, 1979. His parents Deltura and Nahon were less than pleased, since the entire term of the pregnancy they just thought Deltura was grotesquely overweigh (which she was, but it helped hide her pregnancy). Tyo was born 15lbs and 6oz, a roly-poly, wrinkled, ugly (and short) little boy.

By the age of twelve, Tyo's overwhelming anger and bitterness tore apart his parent's already fragile marriage. Some would argue that Tyo himself gave them a reason to end their pathetic relationship. This suited Tyo just fine.

Guided by a 34 year old former sex offender named Ryman, he discovered a latent talent for tap dancing, and secured his own television show by the age of 14. His career came to a halt shortly after performing as a young British boy with a strange scar on his forehead who is inexplicably thrust into the profession of "wizard". (Litigation against J.K. Rowling is still pending.)

After a year of searching for new work, the duo became restless. They would fight, bitterly, Tyo about Ryman's gratuitous body hair and Ryman about Tyo's lack of height. At times, it got so ugly that they would both end up in the hospital having their stomachs pumped.

Slowly spinning into a downward spiral of drugs and sex, Tyo and Ryman learned of a cult called KAAOS. At first, the name KAAOS reminded them of homemade apple pie and vanilla ice cream. They soon learned that it wasn't the case.

KAAOS rejected them even faster than they could try to join. KAAOS rejected them so hard that they had to give head for blow in the streets of San Francisco.

On a brilliant whim, Tyo and Ryman changed their names, figuring that aliases of an evil nature would find them admittance to the cult which they so very much wanted to be a part of. (It should be noted that Tyo's "new" name has since been lost in the ether, a footnote in history that no one bothered to preserve.) Ryman dubbed himself the most retarded name he could think of, 'Azmodion'.

No one really knows why, but this plan worked. Perhaps KAAOS knew the plan all along, or perhaps they were just blind. It also helped that they were l33t hackers and figured out some exploits in NWN, as well as some supreme begging skills.

As one of the youngest members (Even possibly -the- youngest) of the cult, elder members in their way began to take pity on him. Kal let him do whatever he wanted. It really wasn't that hard to do from a wheelchair. Ego, well, every grandfather knows that giving candy to children brings joy to a weak old heart. Azmo posted long rants to distract other members from what was really going on behind the scenes.

Being the diabolical youth he was, and using his tap dancing skills and brotherhood with Azmodion to his advantage, Tyo began his slow and painful progression to the top. However, then leader Sir Rellik had always felt threatened by Tyo. Deep down inside, he had always known that eventually his fragile hold over the whole of KAAOS would crumble. Weakened by this knowledge, as well as 4 years in EverQuest, he eventually let go.

Planetside was still somewhat new, (I know this, as Kal was still playing it) and Tyo took his chance. A history-changing conversation in Ventrilo ended up with Tyo grasping the leadership of KAAOS in his meaty little paw. There was much yelling and deliberation, and witnesses say that it was Tyo's angelic voice, full of promise, which brought things to a close.

To this day, Tyo leads KAAOS with a fist of iron through every possible game he can find. There have been more recruits under his leadership than in the history of the cult. World of Warcraft is where the seat of his strength is, however. And with his Arch Nemesis Qwik around, who knows how long it will last.

08-27-2005, 04:19 AM
LOL, the damn wench nailed it ;p

08-27-2005, 08:43 AM
ROFL!! Nice work..

08-27-2005, 10:27 AM
The Trenton Pimp!