View Full Version : I remember when....

08-10-2004, 11:38 PM
KAAOS used to be the best damn flame board on the internet. What happened to you guys. You go soft in your old age? Hell i used to check up here just to see who you demolished lately now you're a buncha smurf kissin knuckledicks. What happened to the glory days... *sigh*

08-11-2004, 12:27 AM
Nobody worth flaming, as they're all new-age gaming pussies who wouldn't know a good flame from a bad case of hemorroids. I mean, you COULD mutilate them, but it'd be like burning the flesh off a leper. They can't feel it anyway. And really... without the screams... why bother?

08-11-2004, 03:20 AM
There's been a few good ones recently.

Axehilt comes to mind rather quickly.

08-11-2004, 09:56 AM
nononoo. Axehilt was a commotion, but not a flame war.

This is a flame war, you retards:


Posted by Arthur Dawnsend on March 30, 1999 at 02:14 from :

With little lamentation I have coerced myself to merely state a few observable flaws of this wretched organization. Now, it has come to my attention that the preponderance of you lack any veritable education, so I shall make this missive as lucid as possible. If, by any unobtrusive fashion, you fail to grasp the comprehensible linguistics of my message, please attempt to repeat whatever secondary educational facility you managed to crawl out of.

Primarily, I must first quote the obvious. Instead of pathetically perishing in Quake like the pussies you are, perhaps you should revert to your old Wolfenstein copies framed amongst your myriad other trophies (like that 2nd place Ballet award that Slayve received in 1993...oh, he didn't inform you of that?) and medals. Now, I can sympathize with your lack of sedulous hand-eye coordination; after all, it has been proven that it does take at least an average intelligence to properly execute motor skills. Therefore, you have my deepest apologies and my sincerest contrition in your apparent failure while "dominating" this game. Perhaps you should try a turn-based online game where your lack of cognitive proficiency allows you a few more seconds of time...oh, but you already did.

Neverwinter Nights does, quite naturally, bring back memorable incidents. Hedron, my renowned homeopathic plebeian (not the adjective, mind you, but the Roman class), you especially carry a loving retrospection in my heart. You never did win a Double Match against me, but that's because I only fought you once. After all, if I had engaged in melee again, I possibly could have taught you something. No, I take that back...biologists have proven that it takes tapeworms roughly 4,500 times in order to learn to respond to a single stimulus. That's why I thank Sony everyday for bringing Everquest up...and you should thank them, as well. Why? Well, it gives you a whopping 4,499 chances to attempt to redeem yourself. Don't panic, though, Hed; remember, increased stress levels can reduce whatever pitiable lifespan you have left. Oh, Hed, by the way...may I send you a few of my English mid-term papers? I may have a few grammatical errors and I would greatly appreciate your constructive criticism on these issues. Don't worry, I won't tell anyone what your current profession is; I'll allow you to keep up your self-deluded illusion for a few more years. I wouldn't want to damage your precious self-esteem. It hurts me, though; after Neurosis seemingly disappeared, KAAOS has never been quite the same.

I congratulate you, though, on the ever-lofty standards of joining your guild. I see that all applicants must now post "Fuck all niggers" approximately thirty times. I must say this technique is absolutely wonderful...you're teaching the new KAAOS members both the Virtue of Patience and the only remark that you blurt out when someone "pisses you off." Let me assure you, Sir Rellik never thought of a methodology as efficient as that. Who did think of that idea? Was it you, Malhavok? No, you never could properly condense your thought patterns into such an organized custom. Also, I see that MECH Ryman is still with you. I never thought that he would pass the basic arithmetic tests that you give to all KAAOS applicants. Miracles can occur, though. Congratulations, Ryman...you're now a member of the elite. Well, not quite, but close enough.

In conclusion, I wanted to say how much I missed you all. You know, in all honesty, whenever I hear a "DIE BIOOOOTCH" or "I fucked your mom in RL yesterday" I think of all of you. You've brought such flavor, albeit a lack of acumen, to the myriad games that you've feebly attempted to master. I can only hope that we meet in Everquest. Now, it's time for all of you to scramble for your keyboards, throw on some various Satanic t-shirt, and...in your own words..."bash the fuck out of this post." I can't wait...it's your idiotic and prideful taunts that keep me in online gaming.


Arthur Dawnsend, Bard Extraordinaire
(Kissing Asses And Organizing Sodomy...or has that already been cliched?)


Posted by Hedron on March 30, 1999 at 09:29 from :

In Reply to: *HUG* Glad to see you guys again! posted by Arthur Dawnsend on March 30, 1999 at 02:14:

(clap clap clap)

Very good! Very good! (Hedron laughs heartily, and takes another deep gulp of ale.)


(After continuing to dine on the well-done corpse of some poor victim for several moments, he turns to Azmodion on his left.)

"Who do we have scheduled next? Bring on the next fool! Bring him on!"

Azmodion mutters "lazy bastard" as he kicks ITB Legion, who immediately sits up from his slumped position and checks a scroll in his hands. "Tis Arthur Dawnsend, m'lords."

Azmodion slices a finger off of the repast and says, "Well announce him and let's get on with it."

With that, Legion stands and walks to the center of the vast dining hall.

"Gods and goddesses of KAAOS, for your entertainment, we have..." (at this point, a low drum roll begins to echo in the chamber.

"...The Bard Extraordinaire
The Pugilist of Vocabularic Prodigality!
The Sultan of Superciliousness!
The Voivode of Verboseness!
The Potentate of Prolix!
The Tetrach of the Tedious!

A one trick pony of such intensity that even his titles reflect his vice!

A shirt so stuffed that he barely has room for his withered chest!

A man who just recently discovered www.thesaurus.com!

Arthur Dawnsend!!!!!!!!"

With that, a funny little man came bounding out onto the stage. Immediately his mouth began to gush in a manner... well, in a manner already indicated by his titles. While he babbled, the gods of KAAOS continued to eat, glancing up occasionally at the shameless whore-like use of the common tongue by the animated imp.

When the bard had finished his act, Hedron looked around at the other gods, none of whom reacted in any particular way. In fact, an air of distinct disinterest had settled into the stage area like clouds of breath on a cold day - exhaled from KAAOS.

A small shrug from Hedron to Legion conveyed it all. As two large orcs in chain marched forward, and dragged the screaming Dawnsend out the door, Hedron turned to his right and kicked the sleeping Malhavok. "Who's the next fool?"

Mal threw a blocked backfist at Hedron's face as he shifted in his seat, and said "Find out yourself, slug."

Legion quickly scurried up into the middle of this display and began reading quietly to Hedron from his scroll.

At some point during this little scene, a kind of soggy ripping sound had crept in from the door where Dawnsend had disappeared.

Hours later and up on the surface of the world, a crow flew down to the ground over the footsteps of a broken man who staggered aimlessly forward. The crow began to peck at the tongue that Dawnsend had dropped from his bloody hand as he walked, tearing pieces of flesh from it.

Amusingly enough, the tongue still twitched and wiggled, almost as though even in its severed state it struggled to continue its ramblings. In death though, much as in life, no one cared enough to listen. The tongue had been like a spice-crazy chef in his kitchen - A sad pretender to the title of expert who ruined every dish with over-seasoning.

Thank the gods of kaaos that the thing had been torn from its kitchen, and thrown in the dirt where it belongs. Only the crow would eat of the "chef" now. Although it was neither a hunger of this type, nor that of a crow, I think, that the tongue had aspired to satisfy.

Dare I say it? Just deserts had followed this meal. (laugh)

The False Prophet


Posted by Hedr...I mean, on March 30, 1999 at 14:04 from :

In Reply to: (laugh) A bard or a jester? posted by Hedron on March 30, 1999 at 09:29:

Prof. Hedron's RP Post, Revision 1
(Told from the perspective of the False Prophet Hedron, Connoisseur of Corpophagy - by Arthur Dawnsend)

I leaned back in my chair and heartily laughed, looking to my side and nodding to Azmodion. Discreetly, turning my head, I plucked two greying hairs from my scalp and replaced my skullcap. Damn bastards would kill me if they knew how old I was, I thought, but let the thoughts slip silently from my head. Now was not the time to worry.

"Very good! Very good!" I yelled, banging my mug of ale on the table and nearly spilling it...yes, my hands weren't as quick as they used to be. Thankfully, none of the others noticed. Leaning back, I took a deep swig of the liquid.

"Aahhhh." I continued to dine on the rotting corpse in front of me, sneering as my teeth attempted to rip apart the soft flesh. I winced, albeit for a moment, as a sharp pain passed through my head. Damn teeth, I thought, touching the tip of my molars with my tongue. I actually wish we ate something different around here...my teeth are too old for this.

I noticed Legion staring at me, and I quickly resumed my arrogant posture. Letting an evil chuckle loose, I stood up and gathered the attention of the drunken guildmembers sitting beside me.

"Who do we have scheduled next? Bring on the next fool! Bring him on!" Sitting back down, I breathed a sigh of relief. Yes, my power was still intact. They sensed nothing, knew nothing. Let them stay that way.

Azmodion stood up, his face filled with iron serenity yet still dreaming of bloody steel. I grinned again, motioning for him to say something.

"Legion is a lazy bastard, Sir!" he yelled, kicking Legion and saluting me. What a fool, I murmured.

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?" I growled, gently tearing off another piece of flesh and swallowing it whole. Turning to Legion, I gave him a harsh glance.

Squirming, the cocky Out of the Bond guildmember stood. "Why, for thy eyes and thine pleasure for thee on this eve I give to thy self a most very good prize. Tis, for thy and no other, Arthur Dawnsend, the Bard Extra...extra..."

"Extraordinaire?" I said, shaking my head. "Where in the hell did you learn to speak? My god, you destroyed that entire sentence."

"Huh?" Legion asked, staring at me with his dull eyes.

"Back to the arithmetic application lab with you!" I roared, standing up and hurling my ale at him. It slammed into his head, and the sound of steel against...well, bone, resonated throughout the chamber. He just stood there, smiling at me.

"Thirty-five repetitive posts, now!" I bellowed, and his smile disappeared.

"For thy thee will shall be done," Legion said.

"Idiot," I said, shaking my head...again. It was the same every night.

"Azmodion," I said, turning, "would you stand up and introduce this ... jester?"

"Yes, Sir!" He stood up, his compassionless eyes surveying the room. "All militant members of this brethren, I shall now introduce Arthur Dawnsend, Jester." Saluting me one final time, he sat back down and stuck one of the corpse's fingers into his mouth, nearly gagging on it.

"Damnit!" I yelled, "cue the drum-roll! We didn't pay those BDA's for nothing!" A low drum-roll began to sound throughout the chamber, and I relaxed. This should be interesting, I thought. Lights shimmered and wavered in the smoky air, and a small figure stepped from behind the stage. He was a funny-looking man, and I nearly laughed out loud. Had I done that, however, I possibly would have lost some of my wooden teeth, having only three left to call my own.

He began to babble on about something or another; I really didn't pay him that much attention. In truth, the man bored me. After a seemingly endless eternity of long words and boring narratives, the so-called bard had finished his act. I looked around at the other members. Most of them were passed out, dead drunk, and only Asmodion and Legion were conscious. In fact, none of them reacted in any particular way...the air of distinct disinterest had settled onto the stage like those flies resting bloated upon the corpse in front of me - not yet eaten by KAAOS.

I shrugged slightly and stood up. "Legion!"

"At thee service, thine lord!"

I bit my tongue, stopping whatever remark I was going to say. "Legion, have our elite guard 'escort' this jester from our presence." Sitting back down, I grinned evilly. Now this should be interesting.

"Thee Orcs, whilt thou escort thine Dawnsend from thee presence?" Legion commanded, his voice booming across the stage. At once, two small orcs stepped up to the small man. In return, he merely laughed.

"Orcs?" he queried, his face turning red from amusement. "Orcs?"

Infuriated, I stood up. "They're in chainmail, damnit!"

"Oh, please," that pathetic jester said, laughing. "Really, Hedron...is orcs the best you could do?"

Now my face turned red...was this bard insulting me?

"It's...it's all that we could afford," I screamed, motioning for the orcs to cut the tongue from this bard. They stood there, motionless, much like Legion in a Ladder Fight.

"Hedron," the little jester said, smiling, "at least you could have hired orcs that spoke common, eh? And, besides, that, a child could annihilate these bestial sycophants. I was, at the very least, expecting a dracolich or two."

"Legion!" I roared, "take this bard and cut out his tongue!"

Silence filled the room...no answer. I turned my head, only to notice that Legion was deeply involved in the repetitive posting that I had ordered him to do earlier. Well, I thought, there is still Azmodion.


"Yes, Sir!"

"Escort this bard from our presence...he is not worthy to be here."

"That is against the Prime Directive, Sir! The first charter of the third regulation of the Napalm Monks state that..."

"Son of a bitch," I murmured, shaking my head. A small buzz entered my ears...the voice of that jester. Yes, he was still talking. That fool was still talking. Apparently he had befriended the orcs, for now they were playing "hopscotch" on the stage. Everything was falling apart...hell, I could feel my hair turning grey.

"Malhavok," I said, nudging my drunken companion. In response, he threw a balled fist in my direction. Had I been younger, perhaps, I could have blocked it. No, it was too late. Blood sprayed across my face as Malhavok gently slipped back into his drunken state. Roaring in pain, I stood and intended to deal with this bard myself. Having little or no combat abilities left (although I let none of my brethren know of this), I intended to verbally humiliate him. Yes, that would make him pay for these crimes.

"Pugilist of Vocabularic Prodigality!" I roared, attempting to stare at him. Growling, I bent down and picked up my spectacles. Now I could see the little bastard!

"Sultan of Superciliousness!" I screamed, chuckling silently to myself.

"Yes?" he queried.

"Voivode of Verboseness!" I bellowed, grabbing my walking stick and slowly approaching the stage.

"I'll say again, yes?"

"Potentate of Prolix!" I shouted...only a few more steps and I would be able to hit him with my cane!

"Oh, I like that one."

"Tetrach of the Tedious!" I thundered, only a few steps away.

"What doth thine meaneth from 'tetrach', m'lord?" Legion asked, but I ignored him. I was so close...so close! I swung my cane, nearly cheering out loud as it struck the bard in the leg.

"Ouch," he muttered, rubbing the bruise that was most likely going to form within a few days. "That hurt, Hedron. But, I can't get over it...orcs!?!?"

"Damnit!" I yelled, attempting to beat the jester once again, but he was leaving the stage, muttering something about finally getting an 'A' on a Cognitive Science dissertation on the reactions of males over the age of twenty when introduced with taunting stimuli. Frowning, I ordered the orcs to stop their "hopscotch" game (I don't think they understood me), and limped back to my seat. Grabbing an ale from Malhavok's lifeless fingers, I took a deep sip and carefully removed my spectacles.

"Bring on the next fool!" I roared, motioning for the drum-roll, and wondering who the hell would introduce the next entertainment.

The False Prophet
Edited by Crown Publishing, Inc.


Posted by Arthur Dawnsend on March 30, 1999 at 14:15 from :

In Reply to: A bard or a jester? Revision 1 posted by Hedr...I mean, on March 30, 1999 at 14:04:

Wow...not bad, Hed, although I do like my revision a little better. ;) Well, my project is complete. In answer to your previous question, you do know me fairly well. Names, though, are simply worthless labels to be discarded by time. You all should feel honored...I actually wrote that revision on my spare time, although it may get me a few extra credit points. My cognitive science professor will be visiting this page soon, along with quite a few other people from W&M...I just hope I get an 'A' on this (10% of my grade in the class)...and I thank you all for being the same old predictable KAAOS that I remember. Please, commence with your bashing, the more responses I get, the more I prove my thesis.

With much gratitude,

Arthur Dawnsend


Posted by Hedron on March 30, 1999 at 14:37 from :

In Reply to: I like this revision better... posted by Arthur Dawnsend on March 30, 1999 at 14:15:

(Smirk) Glad you're enjoying yourself. It seems we are to be each other's entertainment, because yer sure giving me a laugh.

On repetition and predicability, I give you two things.

1) You yourself are nothing but a repeat of the endless stream of morons who stop by here seeking attention.

2) You are SUCH a repeat, in fact, that I will now put up an old post written maybe 2 or 3 years ago to address this very repetitive topic. But hey, maybe one day you'll say something original... keep hoping. (laugh)

3) The post below addresses your conception of predictability, so there's no other need for me to comment.

Subj: Re:A Challange...
Date: 97-06-09 20:02:50 EDT
From: Hedron

Sometimes I like the challenge of trying to enlighten the unenlightenable. Besides, it's as good a reason as any to post something ;>

Deicide Meets KAAOS (an allegory)

Deicide stood on the quiet.

The snow was the quiet. It was crusted over and wind-swept, and bore his
weight well.

All around him the empty plain of quiet stretched - unlimitable, unknowable. Alone, he stood, and stared up at the night sky, equally vast. This mere pinprick in reality named Deicide gazed at the moon and stars for long moments, and over the six months of night that the northern-most parts endured, he noticed that the night sky moved.

His face split into a child-like, simple smile. In that moment it was clear to him that the stars and planets were revolving... revolving around him. As soon as this thought had penetrated deep enough, he raised his fist to the sky, and screamed at this new servant he had discovered!

And soon... the sun rose. Now Deicide, he thought the sun rose because he had commanded it with his scream. But the sun rose because it was the sun's nature, not because it was Deicide's wish.

Deicide watched the sun glide slowly over the quiet, until it reached the other side. At this point, his fascination had ended, and he raised his fist and screamed at the sun. And the sun set. But the sun set because it was the sun's nature, not because it was Deicide's wish.

Still, in all, the facts were before his eyes. Deicide knew to the depths of his soul that he commanded the sun, and the moon, and the stars in the sky. Had not the moon and stars revolved around him? Had not the sun risen and set by his voice alone? Deicide basked in his superiority.

Meanwhile, with or without Deicide, the sun, and the moon, and the stars in the sky continued to do what they had always done - because it was their nature, not because it was Deicide's wish.

Deicide tramped off through the quiet, smug and happy in his perceived ability to command the elements. Then he tripped, and fell into an ice hole, where he died a horrible, frigid death. His corpse was picked over by the few animals that lived in these temperatures. And eventually he was gone.

Meanwhile, with or without Deicide, the sun, and the moon, and the stars in the sky continued to do what they had always done - because it was their nature, not because it was Deicide's wish.

False Prophet of KAAOS

Deicide the ephemeral, you must learn to acknowledge that the forces around you do as they do because that is their nature, and not because you will them to do as they do. Acknowledge that we kill and torment you because that is our nature. After all, we acknowledge that you die and whine because that is your nature. ;>

( *grinning* I'm beginning to like this guy. I feel like a teacher in an adult remedial reading class. I'm making a charitable contribution of my time to educate the mentally disadvantaged. It's so nice to to be able to flame people, and yet feel magnanimus and altruistic at the same time.) ;>

End old post

See? Your name is Deicide. And you are reborn. ;)

08-11-2004, 10:05 AM
Ya know... sometimes it's just fun to look back through the old stuff.


Subj: TP what's his face
Date: 96-11-01 14:51:04 EST
From: Hedron

(glancing over at Havok)

"Illusions of Granduir?"

That's delusions of grandeur, you idiot.

It's exactly speck brained little toadies like you that cast a tinge of the smell of vomit over every place you inhabit. Yer a santa claus without a sack, a lumber jack without an ax, the easter bunny with no eggs. In short, yer an impotent, goodie-goodie, powerless dweeb who relies on institutions and "the will of the masses" (e.g. a bunch of other brainless morons clinging together for protection) for any sense of value.

You sit there with no accomplishments to brag about, no rep to display, no talk to talk, no walk to walk. Yer an empty bag of skin, lying on the ground and writhing in jealousy over the fact that KAAOS DOES have all that.

You think our crowing is the result of a strange psychosis - that we say what we say as a lame attempt to prop our own egos up. Yer wrong, ya dead fish. We are KAAOS, and we act KAAOS because the fury that drives us to accomplishment and dominance pushes itself out of us like a caged animal breaking through to freedom.

There's no sagging need to have weak sop goofballs like you think better of us. We don't seek your approval. We simply step on you as we walk by, as we do everyone. YOU, ya pathetic excuse for dog chow, can just look on in bitter jealous admiration, as you always have.

The Gods of KAAOS walk the land swathed in pride and anger and contempt for you mortals. We are bold, terrible, and handsome in our power and our pride. Like hard, brilliant, knife-edged diamonds flashing themselves before the pig-eyed, slope-headed awe of mongoloids like you.

So snivel, sniveler. Whine, whiner. And cry, child. The Gods of KAAOS grant you the one release you crave, the one release you can manage - the running of your worthless mouth.

But wipe up the drool, we don't want you to slip in it.


Terrible God of KAAOS

08-11-2004, 02:21 PM
That was like momentum sparring meets my SAT hotwords book from highschool.

Lol...maybe I'll have to stick around for the next RPG KAAOS decides to get in...

08-12-2004, 05:32 AM
Please.... never encourage the role-players.

08-12-2004, 04:42 PM
KAAOS was 100% RP at one time.... and fucked up rp at that! (wee!). It's a shame that the guild has fallen away from that bent, but the choices of games have been less than stellar for serious RP. Treadmills dampen that. Maybe that will change soon.

08-12-2004, 05:28 PM
Kiaus... are you trying to exlpain that to Joker?


08-12-2004, 07:29 PM
Maybe that will change soon.

No maybe needed with WoW on the way.

08-12-2004, 07:37 PM
Kiaus... are you trying to exlpain that to Joker?


No i am not, Hedron. Joker is old school, I remember his name, but I am not sure if was from NWN or the blur that was DSO and that quirky Lords of Empyria dream-of-a-game.

I have read everything on the wicked-ass site, noted the cute little "KAAOS" under his name, and have wised up a touch since getting tossed about by Az and Tyo during my last stint as PS KAAOS. I was merely lamenting the old days of gaming, when RP'ing was the natural out come of mastering a game (if not the sole purpose from the begining) -- not endless leveling, expansions full of useless fluff, and drive-by new guild recruits. The "Bad Guys" (KAAOS, ToL, IBT, MECH, UDL, ect) versus the "Good Guys" (KoRT, NOR, SSB, LoF, ect) is pretty much gone -- replaced by developer manufactured "race wars", or factions, or other scripted bullshit. The flame wars that used to be here and elsewhere are embers now, with only your saved logs to serve as memories..... OR..... to serve as inspiration!

You know what I am talking about.

08-12-2004, 09:57 PM
Yea first online game i played was GemStone III on AOL back about the time KAAOS was playing NWN on AOL. $3/hr was harsh but the players were all mature and roleplayed. The people made the game, not the way it is now where the game makes the people and all they give a shit about is gear and levels. Most of the people that play online RPGs now never saw how it was back then with 90% of people roleplaying and so they make fun of it when they see it but that's just ignorance.

Your brain is the best 3D engine out there, and if you're in a place where everyone knows everyone and it's all about who you are not what you got it's a helluva lot more fun. Oh well never see that shit again I've already given up finding it. Wish i still had some of the old text log files from GemStone, funny RP PvP'ing back then heh.

08-13-2004, 08:48 AM
Or when the boards of a game actually meant a damn, and they were not filled with "l33t" 11 years olds bragging all the time.

08-13-2004, 10:40 AM
KAAOS was 100% RP at one time

No we fucking wern't.