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Hedron
06-22-2004, 10:28 AM
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Subj: Joining the Cult
Date: 96-11-07 00:51:19 EST
From: Harl1qu1n

All ye must do is contact me in Neverwinter or e-mail me. The rules are
simple. First this is not a guild, it is a way of life. We worship the
onion and :: make onion noises :: in battle. All ye must do is talk to me to
join. Anyone can join even if ye are part of a guild. Just help out other
onions and slay the heathens who would destroy us. Hope to see you soon.


High Priest of the Onion Cult

Harl1qu1n


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Subj: Alignment Reqs
Date: 96-11-07 00:55:27 EST
From: Harl1qu1n

There are no alignment reqs, but chaotic and or a little crazy helps. There
are no lev reqs either, but the higher lev you are, the better the onion
noises ye can make.

High Priest of the Onion Cult
Harl1qu1n
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Subj: New Members
Date: 96-11-07 01:03:30 EST
From: Harl1qu1n

The cult welcomes its newest members:
Saverage
V1ctor555
Shadofox
Felix12546

:: makes onion noises ::

High Priest of Onion Cult
Harl1qu1n
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Subj: Re:New Members
Date: 96-11-07 10:17:13 EST
From: Hedron

ROFLMAO!!!!!!

{making onion noises}

hmmm.... naaah. {still laughing}

Hed


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Subj: Re:Joining the Cult
Date: 96-11-07 14:55:58 EST
From: Logarth

{{ All ye must do is contact me in Neverwinter or e-mail me. The rules are
simple. First this is not a guild, it is a way of life. We worship the
onion and :: make onion noises :: in battle. All ye must do is talk to me to
join. Anyone can join even if ye are part of a guild. Just help out other
onions and slay the heathens who would destroy us. Hope to see you soon.

High
Priest of the Onion Cult
Harl1qu1n
}}

LMFAO.....

This is obviously a very bad joke.... Please tell me yer not being serious
here...

Logarth
~ Servant of the Shadows ~
~ GrandMaster Thief ~
~ Master of Thieves ~
~ AGM SL ~


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Subj: Re:Joining the Cult
Date: 96-11-07 19:45:28 EST
From: MECH Spade

SIGN ME UP! {Makes a LOUD onion noise} That good enough?

::Falls on the floor laughing::

See, this is the kind of stuff that makes the game so fun. Onion? LMFGDAO!!!
Yep this is the funniest damn thing I have ever seen in the realms. I will
copy this and repost it in another year for more good laughs. ;D

Spade
"Worship the onion!" {chuckle}


P.S. Atleast there is one good thing about this...I can now honestly say that
I have seen it ALL. {still laughing}


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Subj: Re:Joining the Cult
Date: 96-11-07 20:36:00 EST
From: Slayve


The GM called the 'Head Onion'?

Rest of the guild must be onion heads.

{Laughs}

SdM
Demon God of KAAOS
Never a dull moment. {shakes head}


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Subj: Re:Joining the Cult
Date: 96-11-07 21:04:31 EST
From: Llewdoc

Hmmm.....first the Spam Clan. Now the Onion Cult.

::grabs skillet::

::grabs butter::

::SSSSSSSSSSSSIZZZZZZZZZZZZLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!::

Good Eatin' Folks;}

Llewdoc Paragon
AGM - HOL
--where's a Chef when you need one


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Subj: Re:Joining the Cult
Date: 96-11-07 21:54:23 EST
From: ITB Teddi

{{The GM called the 'Head Onion'?

Rest of the guild must be onion heads.}} Slayve

Yup...and this cult wants to see NW start giving out pearl onions. ;D

{laughs}

-Teddi-



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Subj: Re:Joining the Cult
Date: 96-11-08 09:50:46 EST
From: Hedron

A dark and shadowy figure walked into the door....

His round and layered appearance, half hidden in shadows, nevertheless spoke
strongly of something... something... something so familiar.

The Onion Cult members looked on, suspense filling their features... could it
be? mmm... it might.

YES!!!!!!!! STRIDING IN THROUGH THE DOOR IN ONION LIKE STEPS, THE
SEMI-SPHERICAL SHAPE OF THE GREAT ONION WAS
REVEALED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!

(actually, it's just Hedron in an Onion costume, but don't tell them that.)

{making Great Onion noises}

Bow down my children! Bow down and CRY for your God! (The Great Onion began
throwing fresh cut slices of onions among his subjects. The tears began to
flow.)

"My children, I must tell you of our great purpose! You have been drawn to
the Onion by fate. You were each crafted by your lives to join us here."

"Your family and friends rejected you for your horrid breath." (at this, the
crowd of onion worshippers sighed, letting out a cloud of poisonous onion
breath)

"People on the street shunned you and your onion necklaces." (the crowd
rattled their onion necklaces)

"But your devotion will pay off. For now, we have a purpose! Now a tie
binds us together in a quest for VICTORY!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

(THE CROWD ROARED!!!!!! but as things settled down, one lone
onion-worshipping voice was heard) "Mr. Great Onion? What IS that purpose?"

With that, a look of rapture filled the moon-like face of the Great Onion,
and he shouted out -
"WE MUST KILL THE CARROTS!!!!!!!!!" The Great Onion SCREAMED this out,
lifting his arms high above his head in an appeal to the heavens for their
blessings... and revealed...
and revealed....

and revealed....
(a low, putrid gasp of onion breath was heard from the crowd)

Revealed the zipper on the Great Onion costume. Hedron looked around at the
crowd, slowly growing more and more irate. "Uh.... mmmm.... So... I'm just
gonna, uh... go slay some carrots real quick. I'll be back later," he said
as he slowly backed out the door.

He could be heard to mumble as he left, "The idiots worship ONIONS for hell's
sake. Who knew they'd notice one stupid little zipper?"

Hedron
The Great Onion of KAAOS


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Subj: Re:Joining the Cult
Date: 96-11-08 12:50:01 EST
From: Sir Redrum

Hmm, I don't know about you ... but I'm gona keep my eyes on these Onions!
They get to strong, and next thing ya know, they'll be demanding that the GHT
be renamed "The Salad Bar"!

Uggg .. well, nevermind.

Reddy
(too paranoid?) ;)


P.S. Heddy, keep the onion outfit! Its very becomming on yas, and I likes
it better than your "Sour Grapes" outfit too! {jab jab jab, hehe!} ;)




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Subj: Re:Joining the Cult
Date: 96-11-08 14:12:58 EST
From: Tyo Ark

}} With that, a look of rapture filled the moon-like face of the Great Onion,
and he shouted out -
"WE MUST KILL THE CARROTS!!!!!!!!!" The Great Onion SCREAMED this out,
lifting his arms high above his head in an appeal to the heavens for their
blessings... and revealed...
and revealed.... {{

Rut Roh, I get the feelin Maynrd ain't gonna be none to happy bout this.

- chuckles -

~ Tyo


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Subj: Re:Joining the Cult
Date: 96-11-08 14:29:26 EST
From: Pike Ark

Ack!!!!! The prophecies are unraveling after the onion carrot wars come the
great tomato and potato brawl and soon all the vegtables and fruits will be
at war untill there are non left.... Then will come the neverwinter
upgrade..... Saw it on a scroll I swear it!!!!!!!!

Pike


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Subj: Re:Joining the Cult
Date: 96-11-08 16:03:26 EST
From: Kez1nko

Did ya just say all the fruits in Neverwinter were fightin?

{shakes head}

Nah........couldn't be.

Kez~


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Subj: Re:Joining the Cult
Date: 96-11-08 18:23:14 EST
From: ITB Skorp

If they Rudabega's get in this, we're all doomed!


Skorp


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Subj: Re:Joining the Cult
Date: 96-11-08 18:38:30 EST
From: Masoi

}}Hedron
The Great Onion of KAAOS{{

LMAO!!

~Mas
::Crying::...PLEASE STOP!!


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Subj: Re:Joining the Cult
Date: 96-11-08 19:49:46 EST
From: Neurosism

Hmm. Hey Kez, I looked in the WPC and found the proof to back your
statement! Behold:

(16)Sylphee vs. (18)ITB Luck


=laughs!=

Neurosis
KAAOS


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Subj: Re:Joining the Cult
Date: 96-11-08 22:16:45 EST
From: Slayve


Neuro! {LMAO!}

{Grin}

SdM


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Subj: Re:Joining the Cult
Date: 96-11-09 03:54:07 EST
From: ITB Luck

Hey! I resemble that remark! ;p


Luck
~Wielding the Rod of Lordly Might~
~Master of the Ambiguous Innuendoes~





--throws Froggy in a Stu of boiling carrots and onions--


;p dammit!


I'd rather be a fruit than a vegetable!


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Subj: Re:Joining the Cult
Date: 96-11-09 09:11:10 EST
From: SK Torm

Marchin' o'er the hills,
Through the milk white sno--ooo-ow
Heard I onions bleat,
While the wind did blow.
On-ion. On-ion. On-ionOn-ionOn-ion

Then to Carrot-To-own
We went two and two-oo-oo-o
We slayed them last and ev'ry
Carrot lads o did we chew...
On-ion. On-ion. On-ionOnionOn-ion

But rollin' o'er the hillside,
Ruta-bagas did we mee--ee-e-eet
Dark and gri-im was the clash
Defeat o did we greet.
On-ion. On-ion. On-ionOn-ionOn-ion

Great Onion Hedron howled,
"We shall rise aga-aa-aa-a-in
The Onion Cult shall be for-med
We'll have the Rutas for our din!"
On-ion. On-ion. On-ionOn-ionOnion

From the Chronicles of the Tuber, Page 1, Chapter 1, "So It Begins"
High Onion Historian, your local friendly SK Torm.


ps. If you didn't know before, it's to the tune of "Masters in This Hall" So
what if I'm gettting in the Christmas spirit early:P


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Subj: Re:Joining the
Cult
Date: 96-11-10 23:51:47 EST
From: Hedron

{the great onion make an entrance.... zipper properly concealed this time}


My friends... it has been called to my attention that some of you out there
do not know what {making onion sounds} sounds like.

I am truly upset by this. You must strap an onion to your ear, and meditate,
or face eternity never to be reincarneted as that superior life form - the
onion.

SLICE THE CARROTS!
Hedron
Onion Lord


P.S. All ye faithful onion cultists... we're looking to form an elite team of
people who will win the realm contests and add precious items to the coffers
of our church. This team shall be called the Pearl Onions. Please apply
with the church clerk. Thank you.


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Subj: Re:New Members
Date: 96-11-10 23:53:33 EST
From: Hedron

Where's my High Priest? I need him to perform the ceremonial frying of the
sacrificial onions in butter with mushrooms and soy sauce.

HARLIQUIN!!!!!!!!!!!! {bellowing}

Hedron
The Great Onion


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Subj: A Message
Date: 96-11-11 01:44:48 EST
From: Abidabi

-a brick crashes through the Onion Temple window with a note attatched -




************************************************** ******************************************


Scalliions are far superior to Onions !!!

Nuff said


BOSS - Brotherhood of the Scallions!!!

\|/
|

(Official Scallion Seal)


************************************************** ***********************************

-a small figure wearing what seems to be a crown made of scallions, laughs
like a hysterical mad midget and runs off into the shadows screaming "Feel
the Spice!!!!"




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Subj: Re:A Message
Date: 96-11-11 02:31:19 EST
From: Hedron

{LMAO!}

{frantically making up an official onion seal, and pretending we've always
had it}


\/\/\/
((()))
ONION IS KING!



CRY BEFORE THE ONION SLICINGS!!!!!!!!!!!!!
|) |) |) |) |) |)


Hed




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Subj: Hear me now Lunatics!!
Date: 96-11-11 03:17:52 EST
From: Maynrd Ark

As I slept, cold sweat drenching my mortal soul. Cries of impending doom
filled my fevered dreams. Yes...the carrots, still in a state of unrest for
harvest day was soon approaching.

And the Angel of the lord once again came unto me and woke me from my
tortured slumber. And took me high, and higher still, having rose beyond the
spaces betwixt the earth itself. And as we descended the image of a great
union stood over a small gathering of smelly breathed heathens.

The reverend Maynard could not believe his eyes, and I begged..."Angel of the
Lord, what IS this lunacy?"

And the Angel of the lord said unto me...."THIS is the work of a new evil.
You see Reverend Maynard, before you is the false prophet dressed in an onion
suit. He commands these mortal fools to wage war upon the carrots."

I knew then what I must do....

I ROARED...

"Here me NOW" the foul breathed lunatics looked up in astonishment "You must
forsake your chosen course, you must repent your sins. Onions are not ALIVE,
they have no SOUL, they have no CONSCIOUSNESS. You are all in need of
clinical help. Your lunacy festers deep within your small brains."

And the gathering of onion followers uttered sheep sounds in return {baaah
baaah baaah}.

::The slow rhythmic pounding of a drum could be heard far off in the
distance::

"You must NOT wage war upon the carrots, I have seen the light....the
carrots, they HAVE a consciousness, they HAVE a soul....DAMN YOU...let the
rabbits where glasses"

"Can I get an Amen?"

{baaah baaah} ::sheep noises::

"Can I get a hallelujah?"

{baaah baaah} ::sheep noises::


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Subj: Re:Hear me now Lunatics!!
Date: 96-11-11 04:03:01 EST
From: Neurosism

I am the Lizard King....


And I can do anything.



\/\/\/
((()))
ONION IS KING!


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Subj: Salad Bar
Date: 96-11-11 09:42:06 EST
From: MECH Tasha

Onions?? Carrots??? Rudabegas??? War???

::sits and pouts a bit::
::pleads:: Can't we all just get along?

::feels hungry and drives over to Sizzler's for the All You Can Eat
Salad Bar::

@~Tasha~@
BATTLE ANGELS! 0;}
Worship the Hunger!!!!


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Subj: The Gathering
Date: 96-11-11 10:56:44 EST
From: Abidabi

......Meanwhile back at Scallion Headquarters.

-a Gavel slams 3 times beginning the Sacred meeting of the
Brotherhood of the Scallions-
My Brothers, Thank you for all comming to this Meeting of Grave
Importance...
I Greet You.... - The Scallion King Ruffles his scallions yelling out the
sacred
Scallion Hello....."Woooolo Wooolo Wooooollo Woooooooooo"
-The sounds of thousands of Scallions begin to ruffle and screams of the
sacred
Scallion Greeting comes to a roar-
Brothers, It has come to my attention that an evil Onion cult is attempting
to
overthrow the Carrot Empire. We must not let this Happen!!!!!!
Think of all the Salads soups and steaks that we and the Carrots
have shared together, we must not let the Onion Cult Overpower
the Salad Alliance!! Havent you all noticed how more and more Meals
just have too many raw Onions?! ...And how after a good meal more and
more people have the offending evil smell of Onion Breath...?!?!
and those disgusting sounds that they make ...Ick !
-the brotherhood angrily scream out - YEAH!!!!
The only way to control these foul beasts is by Frying them, slicing and
dicing them will only make you cry, do not ....and I repeat DO NOT attempt
to slice an onion alone, for their hypnotic powers will Blind you!!
I warn you, the Onion cult is growing at an alarming rate, and if we must
resort to drastic measures......Our only choice will be to use our secret
weapon against them......THE SAUCE !!!! O.O
Now run off and warn the rest of the Salad Alliance before it is too late!!
This meeting of the Brotherhood of the Scallions is now Adjourned!!!
-slams gavel 3 times and ruffles his scallions - woooolo woooolo wooolo
wooooooo
May the Gawd of Seasoning be with you all !!!!!
Feeeeel the Spice !!

\|/
|

BOSS

















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Subj: Re:Joining the Cult
Date: 96-11-11 12:12:41 EST
From: Robitius

poor poor Haliquin. I doubt the fool will ever show his face in
Neverwinter again (at least not without half the population bursting into
tears--whether from laughter or his stench isn't important).


Robitius Caius

cents and sense...good thing I was blessed with both. Twice the enjoyment
when ya've got two sents workin' ta throw sense fer a loop. Dammit...now my
dander's all worked up ;/


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Subj: Re:Joining the Cult
Date: 96-11-11 12:36:41 EST
From: TroutRasta

:::from the Tome of Vegetables:::

"and each year at Winter Solstice, the Great Onion will fly through air,
stopping at onion
patches everywhere to give gifts to the faithfull who wait there for his
arrival...."


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Subj: Re:Joining the Cult
Date: 96-11-11 17:32:25 EST
From: Kez1nko

"and each year at Winter Solstice, the Great Onion will fly through air,
stopping at onion
patches everywhere to give gifts to the faithfull who wait there for his
arrival...."

Ain't that the Great Pumpkin?


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Subj: Re:Joining the Cult
Date: 96-11-11 19:54:43 EST
From: Masoi

Fear not loyal supporters of the carrots & scallions!!The mighty onion cult
may outnumber you,but there is still hope for all of the innocent vegetables
everywhere.

You must seek out the viadalia onions!!

Yes my friends,these are the goodly cousins of the evil onions.

Seek there aid before it's too late!!

~~
(((())))
~~
The Lettuce Lord


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Subj: Re:Joining the Cult
Date: 96-11-11 21:37:24 EST
From: TroutRasta

The pumkins stole that legend from the Onions..it's right there in the
Tome..honest

TroutRasta
{}{
(a fish course)


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Subj: Re:Joining the Cult
Date: 96-11-11 22:36:42 EST
From: Primr0se

Storming into the Bunkhouse, Primr0se ran pass her fellow Pathfinders,
drinking frenzy at the bar. One look at the gardener and Thralos was heard
to mutter, "rut roh" and check to make sure his bear was still asleep in the
corner. Looking at the other Bro's seated in the room, Barthonis asked,
"Ok..... Who did what to Primr0se's garden?" Strugging their heads in
denial, all seated in the room looked about wondering what could have upset
their Sister.

"Well I am going to get to the bottom of this," DragonKlaw stood up and
started after Primr0se, only to find himself nearly runned over as Primr0se
came back from her bunk, flail in hand. "Hooaaa!!! R0se, what wrong?"
DragonKlaw ask, stopping her in her tracks.

"It's this Onion Cult, their God has declared war on all CARROTS!!!"
Primr0se shouted. "Not a single vegetable will be safe in Neverwinter if
they are Not Stopped!!! Then pushing DragonKlaw out of her way, Primr0se
stormed back out of the Bunkhouse, leaving baffled Rangers in her wake.


Primr0se @}}--}----
Defender of Carrots
\\\\\|||||||/////
\\\\||||////
\\\|||///
/ /| |\ \
/ / /| |\ \ \
|/ / /| |\ \ \|
|/ | | \|
\/



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Subj: Re:Joining the Cult
Date: 96-11-11 23:38:17 EST
From: Hedron

ROFLMAO!!!

Sweet carrot symbol, but....


\/\/\/
((()))
ONION IS KING!


WWWHHHHHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!! {making onion noises}


----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Subj: The
stew thickens!
Date: 96-11-12 00:41:30 EST
From: Louigy

From deep inside the town castle, Lord Nasher's trusted master chef, Louigy,
muses over preparations for the upcoming Annual Harvest Feast:

"....with luck, the onions and carrots will slice themselves....just a matter
of positioning the stew pot......"

:::the gnome master chef sharpens his carrot stick+3 and readies his onion
shield of repulsion:::

"Nothing like a good food fight!"

-Louigy;-)


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Subj: You can take my life...
Date: 96-11-12 09:13:26 EST
From: Petalflow

BUT YOU CAN'T TAKE MY CARROTS!!!

The knight's face paled at reading Primr0se's message. Stumbling over his
plate, one hand dragging his famed sword of carrots ( regular most time, vs.
Onion +3), he half leaped out of his castle.

Once again, the time for the great Carrots Defender!!

PetalFlow OnionSlayer..


----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Subj: Re:You can take my life...
Date: 96-11-12 09:43:51 EST
From: Hedron

ONION SUPPORTERS, RISE UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

\/\/\/
((()))
ONION IS KING!





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Subj: The Ultimate Weapon
Date: 96-11-12 16:00:30 EST
From: ITB Skorp

I have found in the House ITB Kitchen the mightiest of all weapons available
for this carrot / onion war.

And...I will sell it to the highest bidder.







The Vegamatic! It can take on an entire army armed with ginsue knives!!!!It
can dice hundreds of Onions by the hour! Need Carrot peelings for your salad?
Let the Vegamatic do it with no effort!





Call now and get the vegtable steamer FREE!!!!!



Skorpco!


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Subj: Re:You can take my life...
Date: 96-11-12 20:18:32 EST
From: OnionGiant

Hearing is leader's call, the ground trembles as the huge onion frees
himself from the soil. Tremors could be felt in the nearby keep as the
oversized pungent vegetable stalked through the gardens of the Brotherhood of
Pathfinders, withdrew a huge onion-handful of scallions, and headed off for
the onion cult.

Storming through the door, and making cacophanous onion noises, the
giant onion holds the helpless green infidels in is massive hands. Thrusting
his hand forth, and shaking the green tubular forms vigorously for the Great
Onion to see, the giant onion begins slicing the scallions into one-inch
pieces (at a 45 degree angle suitable for garnishment), and tosses the
slender creatures into a pan of hot butter and salt.

He steps back from the frying pan and see the Great Onion nod his approval.

Lug, the Giant Onion



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Subj: Re:The Ultimate Weapon
Date: 96-11-13 06:50:25 EST
From: Wiz Soong

{{ Call now and get the vegtable steamer FREE!!!!! }}

And for only $19.95 more, you can get the "Nuclear Weapon of the Onion War"
-- The Salad Shooter.


-WizS


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Subj: Re:The Ultimate Weapon
Date: 96-11-13 08:09:04 EST
From: ITB Skorp

As a non-involved, yet concerned leader of Neverwinter, I am calling for a
bi-lateral arms treaty that bans all weapons of war made by Ronco!


Skorp
Peacemaker
Salad Dresser


----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Subj: Re:The Ultimate Weapon
Date: 96-11-13 11:47:47 EST
From: Hedron

"From: ITB Skorp

As a non-involved, yet concerned leader of Neverwinter"


Who you trying to kid? I don't know one ITB that's not a vegetable! You
will fall under the weight of the Onion, just like any other plant life!
{smirk}

\/\/\/
((()))
ONION IS KING!

Hed


----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Subj: Re:The Ultimate Weapon
Date: 96-11-13 13:06:30 EST
From: ITB Skorp

We are NOT vegtables!!!!!


WE Are a Starch!!!!!!

Skorp
League of Potato Heads


----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Subj: The True Onion God
Date: 96-11-13 14:45:16 EST
From: Harl1qu1n

I have been away for a short while my onions. In this time I have ascended
from being a mere mortal and have now recognized my true calling. I was and
am the Onion God incarnate. Now that the gods are with us we cant be stoped.
My Onions, we shall rule the Relms. Tis our destiny. Let the nonbelievers
make jokes, the voices have spoken to me. Our victory is already recorded in
the multiverse.

AKH Onion
formerly onion high priest, now
onion god
Harl1qu1n


----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Subj: Tubers Unite!
Date: 96-11-13 16:20:26 EST
From: Spudlestor

In the shadows, the eyes of the Spud Lickers grow and multiply. Their
harbinger, Spudlestor, the Lord of the Silver Tuber, leads them into battle.
They march forward, working for the greater glory of their god, the true
Master of a Thousand Faces, Mr. TaterHead.

Spudlestor rallies the forces as they prepare a volley of tater tots.
The Potato Alliance joins forces with the Spud Lickers, and soon Spud Iz,
MelkorSpud, and Gspudfundun can be seen leading the forces of the second
rank. Shade and Hunter Spud follow in the third ranks, chanting, "Hi Ho
Potato!" They all march forward proudly to the rousing songs of the SL
Tubernacle Choir, conducted by Ariel Spud, sporting a new boot imprint upon
her rear.

Spudlestor, normally a benign tuber, grins with dark intentions, as he
becomes more malignant. He calls out to the opposing onion and carrot
forces, "The power of the potato goes to the highest bidder! Chew on that
for awhile and see how sweet it will be!"



Spudlestor
~ Living in My Own Private Idaho ~



----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Subj: Prophecy...
Date: 96-11-13 17:22:58 EST
From: CarrotRule

Stirring.. the legendary hero woke up from his eternal rest, umm.. what was
that I'm smelling?

Looking down from the Outer Plane, he saw the horrible Onion Giant rose out
of the dirt. So.. the prophecy has come true!! The darkness of the Onion
worshippers has fell upon the realm... but this time.. where is the woman,
that is destinied to defeat this evil???

Readying his Flail of Onion Smashing, the hero waited quietly.. the acient
prophecy again rings by his ears:

As snow descends upon the city that only knows spring,
Out of the dirt the Onions rise.
All green and red lie in peril, a world doomed in the foul odor.
A rose of the wild calls upon the gods,
A hero from the heaven answers her calls.
United, carrots shall once again rule!



-grin-
CarrotRule


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Subj: Re:Prophecy...
Date: 96-11-13 18:50:52 EST
From: Hedron

{chuckling}

I love the fact that just because I jumped in as the Great Onion everyone has
assumed that the Onions are the evil imperial force that must be stopped
before it crushes the universe. I never said we were evil.

That rules.

{laughing}

\/\/\/
((()))
ONION IS KING!


Hed


----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Subj: Re:You can take my life...
Date: 96-11-13 20:52:12 EST
From: Primr0se

Carefully tending the carnations in her greenhouse, Primr0se worried how she
would be able to tend her rose and flower gardens while standing guard over
the carrots. Already she had to pray that all would be safe in her vegetable
plot for she could not put off, any longer, her tasks in the greenhouse, if
she was to have flowers though the winter to fill the vases she had place
about the Bunkhouse. All she could hope is that her Bro's would listen to
her and join to help keep Neverwinter safe from the Onion Cult.

Suddenly the glass all about Primr0se rattled as the ground shook under her
feet. Hand trowel in hand, Primr0se rushed to the door of her greenhouse to
watch in dismay as a huge onion trampled through her vegetable garden and
into the surrounding woods, carrying a huge onion-handful of her tender
scallions. Looking down at her hand trowel and the flail hanging from her
belt, Primr0se knew she could not face the Onions by herself. She needed
allies, but first she needed to get some rangers to quit their drinking and
track this Onion to it's God.


Primr0se @}}---}----
Defender of Carrots
\\\\\|||||||/////
\\\\||||////
\\\|||///
/ /| |\ \
/ / /| |\ \ \
|/ / /| |\ \ \|
|/ | | \|
\/



----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Subj: Re:Prophecy...
Date: 96-11-13 20:52:50 EST
From: ITB Skorp

Hell Hed...

Ya read my entrance wrong {g}

I just see everything, and know all.....that is why members of the Potato
Consortium have so many damn eyes!

Skorp
Starch Ubber Alles


----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Subj: Re:Prophecy...
Date: 96-11-13 20:54:04 EST
From: Primr0se

::Leaving her greenhouse quickly, Primr0se rush back to the Bunkhouse door,
to find her Ranger Bro's still sitting about the bar drinking frenzy.::

"Bro's!!! Come quick.... An Onion has invaded my garden and trampling it has
aducted my scallions !!!" she cried.

Scoffing at her with calls of "What is are you growing now, R0se, Troll
weed?" and "Sure Sis, Right after I find out who keeps putting beholder eyes
in my mug" Primr0se knew none believed her or seem to care that all the
vegetables of Neverwinter were at risk as long as the Onion Cult as not taken
seriously.

"Well if none will help me among my Brother's, then I will seek those that
will!"

With that Primr0se left the Bunkhouse and headed to Neverwinter square to
look for someone that would help her defend the Carrots and Scallions against
the Onion Cult.



Defender of Carrots!!!
\\\\\|||||||/////
\\\\||||////
\\\|||///
/ /| |\ \
/ / /| |\ \ \
|/ / /| |\ \ \|
|/ | | \|
\/



----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Subj: Re:Prophecy...
Date: 96-11-13 20:55:06 EST
From: Primr0se

Hedron

I never did say you were evil, I just said that having declared war against
the carrots, no vegetable in Neverwinter would be safe.

I can't though let the carrots be annihilated, for what would be next?

My Tomatoes?

Lettuce?

Broccoli? {I say, this is sounds like a Republican plot.}

And who is to say you Onions will stop with vegetables. With the vegetables
gone, will the starches be safe?

Thus, I shall champion the Carrot, well known to be a Goodie vegetable and
endorse by Mothers everywhere and put an end to your evil plot. For in
making Neverwinter's Good Carrots safe from Onions, I nae not worry that my
beloved Roses and Lilacs may be next :)


Primr0se @}}---}----
Urgrue's Wee Bonnie Blossom
Gardener of BoP
and......






Defender of Carrots!!!
\\\\\|||||||/////
\\\\||||////
\\\|||///
/ /| |\ \
/ / /| |\ \ \
|/ / /| |\ \ \|
|/ | | \|
\/



----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Subj: Re:Prophecy...
Date: 96-11-14 03:58:13 EST
From: Isstvan

:::looks about at the vegetable gardens of Neverwinter:::
:::takes a closer look at the lettuces and cabbages:::
:::wonders to himself when heads will roll:::
;PPPPPPPPPP

Isstvan
Carnivore
Smitten with Lady Warr






----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Subj: Re:Prophecy...
Date: 96-11-14 14:57:19 EST
From: Liv1nDeath

Hmmmm....


I think my maggots are allergic to onions. Of course, once you are finished
with those carrots, send them down to the Hell Compost Hole and I'll be more
than happy to aid in your cause.



LivinDeath
KAAOS
Vegiemancer


----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Subj: Re:Prophecy...
Date: 96-11-14 17:52:34 EST
From: CarrotRule

The hero looks down from the Outer Plane, sees a lady ranger standing in the
Neverwinter Square, lovely, yet sad. A voice comes behind him, "yes, she's
the one."

Looking back at Mieliki, the hero smiled. At last, the realm has a chance!!

Lightening blinding Primr0se for a second, when she opened her eyes again, a
stranger stood in front of her. He had green eyes, red skin, green hair, red
armor, green and red mixed color on the shield, and a flail of strange
shape..like a carrot. (I know..I know.. boring color.. but carrot is not
something easy to depict....)

"Who are you?" she asked with confusion.

"I am the carrot warrior ;-}, destined to fight the Onion Cult with you. I
slept 60 thousands years for you!! You are the chosen by the gods. Don't be
discouraged by your guild brothers, they do not realize the danger. The
entire population is at stake!! The onions want to be the masters, maybe the
only livng creatures in the realm!! You need to unite the people, and me..
well.. nobody can fight the OnionGiant without my trusty Flail of Onion
Smashing... so I'll hang around..;-)I can not interfere too much, but if you
are in real emergency, hold on to this..-gives her a Ruby Carrot Pin- and
say,'Carrot Rule!!!!', I shall appear."

Without waiting for her to ask anything, the stranger disappeared.


Carrot "who never thought he would do this one day" Rule.. ;)




----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Subj: Heathens
Date: 96-11-15 08:13:54 EST
From: AKH 0ni0n

attention all Onions
the following have made it onto the list of heathens
vic ark
p1ke ark
hedron


be warry of these and rember the motto
SLAY THE HEATHENS


AKH 0ni0n
onion god



----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Subj: Re:Heathens
Date: 96-11-15 09:39:28 EST
From: Hedron

{chuckling}

YOU CAN NEVER HAVE THE CULT BACK! I AM THE TRUE SPRITUAL LEADER OF THE
ONIONS!!!!!

MY LITTLE ONIONOIDS! THE CARROTS MUST DIE.
PAY NO ATTENTION TO THE FOOL WITH THE ONION IN HIS NAME!

DO NOT BE DECEIVED BY CHEAP TRICKS! THERE IS ONLY ONE GREAT ONION!!!!!!

\/\/\/
((()))
ONION IS KING!

(Hedron marches regally back into the Onion War room, the crowd awed by his
onionosity. The zipper in his Great Onion suit jingled on his back as he
walked.)

Hed


----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Subj: The plot thickens..
Date: 96-11-15 11:09:48 EST
From: TGl FRlDAY

High upon his throne in the Halls of Hamburger the all seeing, all knowing
Lord of all Things Vegetable sat. The swirl of activity below him was
pleasing to his eyes and ears for it foretold of a new and more cost
efficient vegetable crudite.

Only the mighty TGI Friday could create something so wonderful, so efficient
as self-slicing and self-dicing veggies for the menu. Reaching to his left
he opened the Imperial Spice Rack and withdrew the secret ingredients for his
straw onions, gently sprinkling them over the Onion camp. Replacing those, he
then doled out exactly 3,742 tablespoons of salt and poured them over the
Carrot forces.

Things were proceeding as planned.


----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Subj: Re:The plot thickens..
Date: 96-11-15 16:06:20 EST
From: Sun Tzou

Yeah..uhh..TGI..I'd like one of those delicious Mudslides you're so famous
for....wait..better make
it a barrellfull so I can share it with the other monks..Thanx

Sun Tzou
Monk at Large
Large Monk



----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Subj: ONiONz
Date: 96-11-15 18:35:01 EST
From: SpottedApe

You people a lunatics!!! Don't you see!!! You're worshipping ONiONS for
christ's sake!!!
This whole situation is just funny as heL. How many members are there in
this Onion cult?
Well if there are over 5 i'm going to start my own vegetable guild. I dunno
what I'll call it though.
Any suggestions?




~Spotted Ape~
*Eternally Feebed*



----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Subj: Re:ONiONz
Date: 96-11-16 11:29:59 EST
From: Alquire

Well if there are over 5 i'm going to start my own vegetable guild. I dunno
what I'll call it though.
Any suggestions? (some spottedage fool)

Why don't you call it
"I-need-attention-so-I-have-to-copy-others-ideas-because-I-
don't-have-an-original-thought-in-my-pee-brain" guild
To bad his parents didn't eat their young ;/

Al


----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Subj: Re:ONiONz
Date: 96-11-16 12:29:17 EST
From: Robitius

{{Why don't you call it
"I-need-attention-so-I-have-to-copy-others-ideas-because-I-
don't-have-an-original-thought-in-my-pee-brain" guild
To bad his parents didn't eat their young ;/}}

Dern it!! That's jus' a brilliant idea!! A guild like that would be
perfect fer at least half the citizens of NeverWinter! Sheesh...I jus' wish
I thought of this first...;x


----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Subj: Re:Heathens
Date: 96-11-16 12:30:44 EST
From: Robitius

{{attention all Onions
the following have made it onto the list of heathens
vic ark
p1ke ark
hedron}}

WTG Guys!! Jus' how does one make it onta such a prestigous list, I
wonder? Do I need a resume...or would an interview suffice??


----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Subj: Re:ONiONz
Date: 96-11-16 15:30:57 EST
From: Sarvalin

{{Why don't you call it
"I-need-attention-so-I-have-to-copy-others-ideas-because-I-
don't-have-an-original-thought-in-my-pee-brain" guild
To bad his parents didn't eat their young ;/}}

Think the names a bit long...Hmm... Maybe jes call it the pee-brain guild,
and the "I need attention because I don't have an original thought" could be
their motto. spottedage (or whatever) could re-roll as PB Spot, and be the
GM.

Sarvalin


----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Subj: Re:Heathens
Date: 96-11-16 18:58:42 EST
From: OnionGiant

The giant onion, making conspicuous onion noises, walks into the onion
war room behind the Great Onion. He notices a quiet jingle as the Great
Onion strides along, wonders to himself, lifts a massive onion hand to his
head, and scratches the green growth on top.

"No matter", he thinks to himself, as best an onion can think, "I shall
follow the Great Onion to the ends of the gardens."

Lug, GO (giant onion)

(and I only said "onion 9 times)



----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Subj: Batter 'em, TEMPURA!!
Date: 96-11-17 04:41:05 EST
From: MECH Tasha

Tasha goes into the MECH kitchen and decides to stop this unholy war for
once and for all. Preparing the ~Batter of Death~, she adds her flour, cold
water,...and her special seasonings (with a touch of Kikoman sauce for
flavor). She marches out onto the battle field with the huge bowl of batter
in her arms,... carrying her DEEP FRYER-1000 in her right hand, and gripping
the veggie grater in the other.
A white flag pertrudes from her holstered lazer gun with the holy image
of the Great Tempura Platter. Underneath the image, writing stands out in
huge, bold-red letters:

GET 'EM WHILE THEY'RE HOT!!! $3.00 per plate!

@~Tasha~@
BATTLE ANGEL!! 0;}
*Sorry,...pick-up orders only,...no carry-out.




----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Subj: Re:Batter 'em, TEMPURA!!
Date: 96-11-17 04:42:30 EST
From: MECH Tasha

....whoops...that was,....no delivery...;/


----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Subj: Re:Batter 'em, TEMPURA!!
Date: 96-11-17 12:05:52 EST
From: Lotr X

Yes....I would like to place an order for carry out...


----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Subj: LOVIN IT ALL
Date: 96-11-17 15:40:09 EST
From: AKH 0ni0n

ok, i saw a question about how many members there were. yes there more than
five, lots more. somewhere in the thirties at my last count. the onions are
growing in power by every passing day.dont think that because you are in a
guild that you dont know one of us. your best friend might turn out to be an
onion. we are everywhere. :)

ps. we are not evil, and readily help any who needs our help( as long as ye
are not a heathen ).


AKH 0ni0n
True onion god


----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Subj: Re:LOVIN IT ALL
Date: 96-11-17 15:41:07 EST
From: AKH 0ni0n

and weather ye are an onion lover or hater, ye got admitt this is one of the
funniest folders around :)


----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Subj: Re:Heathens
Date: 96-11-17 15:49:21 EST
From: AKH 0ni0n

to get on the list of heathens is difficult, but it is possible. bassicaly
if ye agravate an onion enough, well, we can only take so much before we must
fight back to deffend our good name. that and we also must avenge ourselves
on those who prey on weak onions( protecting our own, ye know, kinda like a
guild, but a religion ).


----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Subj: Re:Heathens
Date: 96-11-17 17:43:13 EST
From: Hedron

ONIONS!!!! HARKEN TO ME!!!!!

Kill AKH Onion. He is boring me. His posts are boring, and his plans for
the Onion Cult are boring.

We, the true onions, know that destiny calls us... it cries out to us... it
screams -
WE MUST DESTROY THE CARROTS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Oh yah. And Mech Tasha has got to go too. None of that cooking the onions
stuff. No way.

AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!


The war machine marches on.

Hedron
The Great Onion

\/\/\/
((()))
ONION IS KING!


----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Subj: Onion Consciousness
Date: 96-11-18 01:49:08 EST
From: AKH Ap0ll0

Praise the ONION


\I/
((()))


Ap0ll0


----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Subj: Re:Heathens
Date: 96-11-18 01:51:47 EST
From: AKH Ap0ll0

Get a life Hedron, We know who the true Onion God is!

Ap0llo


----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Subj: Re:Heathens
Date: 96-11-18 08:47:01 EST
From: AKH 0ni0n

:: Makes Onion Noises ::


----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Subj: Re:Heathens
Date: 96-11-18 11:10:48 EST
From: Kez1nko

I was just wondering......don't tell me the name "AKH Onion" was already
taken?

{makes flatulent sounds}

Kezinko
~confused by the "0"~



----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Subj: Re:Heathens
Date: 96-11-19 11:57:39 EST
From: War Knight

{War strides into the war room with Hedron and the Onion}

Hedron, I had to see it with my own eyes the Valdelia's (I dont think I
spelled that right) are coming to our aid. I have also sent riders to speed
for Radish conscripts. The army shall be strong for our march on the Carrot
Compound.

I have placed a spy among the Scallions to ensure they will pose no threat to
our plans. He has reported back to me that their army is weak and without
training or weapons.

There are also rumors of an uprising at the Bell Pepper Keep. If we play our
pawns right they too could be a puppet to our needs.

{War strides out of the war room with a smirk on his face}

War Knight
KAAOS
Onion General

\/\/\/
((()))
ONION IS KING!


----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Subj: Re:Heathens
Date: 96-11-19 13:23:31 EST
From: Hedron

Most excellent news, General War Knight!

I have heard that the radishes plan to betray us, however. Please check into
it.

In the meantime, how fares the secret weapons division?

Hedron
The Great Onion

\/\/\/
((()))
ONION IS KING!


----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Subj: Re:Heathens
Date: 96-11-19 13:31:18 EST
From: ITB Skorp

{A note written on corn husks is delivered to the Great Onion}

"The Spices are ready for delivery.

The fat lady will sing when the cow jumps over the moon

Operative Ronco"



----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Subj: Re:Heathens
Date: 96-11-19 16:59:42 EST
From: War Knight

{War reads the message, quickly writes another}

The sun shall shine bright at midnight on September 31st.

Eagles swim thru pools of water, worms crawl in and worms crawl out.

{War then sends the message to speed}

{looks to Hedron}

The time grows near

War Knight
KAAOS
Onion War General


----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Subj: that's my favorite!
Date: 96-11-19 18:30:10 EST
From: Affrica


snatches up pompoms!

the worms crawl in
the worms crawl out

boom shakkalaka BOOM!

ggooooOOOOOOOOOOOO


figure :/


----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Subj: Re:Heathens
Date: 96-11-19 18:44:17 EST
From: Carr0t 007

The man walked into the Tavern, sat casually on the stool beside a woman,
eyes looking staight ahead, they exchanged in a low voice:

"Do you like soup, m'lady?"
"Yes, indeed. I like to put carrots in them, how about you?"
"Me too, but I never use onions."

The woman glanced at him, continued like they were just chatting:

"What day was yesterday?"
"Yesterday was the day of black cat."
"What day is today?"
"Today is the day of blue dog."
"What day is tomorrow?"
"Tomorrow is the day of red sparrow."

A smile formed on the woman's lips, still, she chose caution. Silently she
waited. The man extended his right hand out, in his palm, a golden carrot
shined.

"Comrade!!!"

The woman was almost in tears. So many days she has waited, now finally the
operative has contacted her. The man silenced her with a finger on his lips:

"The onion generals have been meeting in their war room, seems an attack on
the Carrot Compound should be expected soon. Hopefully the Valaidas can win
their trust, with them helping from inside, we could lauch a sneak attack on
the Onion Cave without alerting the outposts. Our agents are still working
on the Radishes, but I don't think we can count on them yet. Those barbarian
Cuccumbers can be proven as valuable allies, I've heard they can really smash
things... I have to go now... but remember, don't trust the Garlics!! I've
heard they have something to do with the unrest in our alliance lately."

Silently, the man retreated, the woman caught his hand before he left:

"At least tell me your name..."
"Bond.. call me Bond."



Carr0t 007 (Can you imagine somebody took Carrot 007 already???? :})
Secret Agent of AOLA (Anti-Onion Liberation Alliance)
Down with the King!!! :}
\\\\\|||||||/////
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\\\|||///
/ /| |\ \
/ / /| |\ \ \
|/ / /| |\ \ \|
|/ | | \|
\/


----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Subj: RADISH COLT
Date: 96-11-19 18:48:50 EST
From: Eagles1028

ONIONS ARE LOSERS . JOIN THE RADISHES JOIN THE REVOLUTION .


----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Subj: Radishes
Date: 96-11-19 18:50:58 EST
From: Eagles1028

If you wish to join the radish colt post a message in HELP WANTED : HELP A
NEWBIE and if you can live by the commandments you are in . ANYONE S ACCEPTED
EVEN IF YOU ARE A NEWBIE .


----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Subj: A new enemy
Date: 96-11-19 20:32:55 EST
From: OnionGiant

The tremors he feels could only be a sign of incredible danger. The
huge onion looks left, looks right, then leaves the war room in a rush.
Looking out an open window Lug sees a horrific sight. Cresting a hillock
overlooking the camp of the Onion Cult was an army of watermellons! There
the rotund fruits stop and stare down at the pungent compound. The giant
onion rushes back into the war room to report the ominous news to the Great
Onion and Onion War General.

"For centuries Onion and Garlic has gone hand in hand. We must enlist their
aid now, my leader, if we intend to stave off the watermellon attack and
defeat the carrots!"

The watermellons, certain they could roll on to victory, had not counted
on the strong onion aroma reducing their visibility. This give the onion
leaders valuable time to formulate a plan.

WW
((( )))
ONION IS KING!



----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Subj: Shelled Ones
Date: 96-11-20 03:03:12 EST
From: PeKhan

The Great PeKhan looked upon the shells of his tribes. Brazils, Wals, Peas
and
his own tribe, the Almonds, all encamped on the great plain. There in the
center, the
elite Filbert tribe, kamikaze death nuts unparalled in ferocity. All gathered
here before him, their camps stretching to the horizon. Gathered for him to
lead...........

.......he remembered the days as each sub-Khan rode into his camp. Each
brought the same stories, from traders and trappers the Shelled Folk
exchanged goods and furs with. A great war in the garden. The Onions and
Carrots. Spuds and Radishes. What to do, they asked. Go, bring your tribe
back here, I have a plan. I will reveal it when all the tribes gather. Off
they rode...and back they came, each bringing a great mass of Shelled
Folk......

And now they were all gathered together. The PeKhan stepped back into the
bowl where the other Khans awaited. Looking about the round, he saw the
anxious faces of the others. Quietly he began, " A Great opportunity presents
itself. I have sent scouts and spies out. They bring me word that those who
would call us barbarians and savages are themselves about to show their true
flavor. I have gathered you here to explain how we will take advantage of
such a thing." He smiled. " Look for yourselves at our strength and numbers.
We are mighty. We shall sweep down upon the Soft Ones in their garden and
crush them all. We will write ourselves into the longest Songs !
Now go, polish your shells, sharpen your MeatPicks. Be prepared to move your
camps at a moments notice."
The sub - Khans began the Ancient War Cry !

GO NUTS! GO NUTS! GO NUTS! GO NUTS! GO NUTS! GO NUTS! GO NUTS!
GO NUTS! GO NUTS! GO NUTS! GO NUTS! GO NUTS! GO NUTS! GO NUTS!
GO NUTS! GO NUTS! GO NUTS! GO NUTS! GO NUTS! GO NUTS! GO NUTS!
GO NUTS! GO NUTS! GO NUTS! GO NUTS! GO NUTS! GO NUTS! GO NUTS!

The Great PeKhan smiled.......


----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Subj: Re:A new enemy
Date: 96-11-20 10:28:45 EST
From: War Knight

{after hearing the news of the new enemy War quickly reacts by running to the
window and shouting to the troops along the walls}

{Hedron and Lug look on in puzzlement}

Heddy then asks "War, what are you doing? Those things will roll right over
our battlements into the compound!! Our army will be lost in a green tide of
melons by putting them up on the walls like that!!! HAVE YOU COMPLETELY LOST
IT!!!"

War calmly turns to him and replies "Hed, I have foreseen this vile enemy so
I took the precaution of arming the battlements with giant melon ball
scoopers. They will ride right into us to their own death"

"Also under the consult of Doc Legion, we have aquired a certain deadly
biological weapon for our Carrot friends", War Knight then said with a smirk
on his face.

War Knight
KAAOS
Onion War General

WW
((( )))
ONION IS KING!


----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Subj: Re:A new enemy
Date: 96-11-20 12:40:49 EST
From: Doc Legion

The great Doc Legion runs to the office of Hedron and War knight, ::breathing
heavily:: ok ok, it took some time, but i found a bunch of rabid ones, theyre
ready to do the deed, just let me know when to let em go.


::SEG::

DOC LEGION

WW
( ( ) )

WORSHIP DA ONIONS!!!


----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Subj: Re:A new enemy
Date: 96-11-20 12:48:20 EST
From: RABIDRAB1T

GRRRRRRRRRRRRR SNAAAAARRRRRRLLLLLLL GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR ::SNAP SNAP::
GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR



da RABIT
FEEEEEEEDDDDDD MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!


currently employed by

WW
((()))


----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Subj: Re:A new enemy
Date: 96-11-20 12:56:00 EST
From: War Knight

Before we let loose our biological weapon I have an enchantment I need to
place upon them to ensure a bloody victory. Place them in my laboratory I
shall have to send some slaves to gather the components in masses.

{War then writes down a list to hand to a nearby slave}

Mithral Dust,
Diamonds,
and Blood of Cheatahs

{Wrapping it up and hands it to the slave}

Go... Do not fail or you head shall serve as a Volleyball at the next KAAOS
Beach Blast.

{kicks slave in arse just for good measure}

{looks back at Doc, Heddy, and Lug}

Our victory draws nearer and nearer {weg}

War Knight
KAAOS
Onion War General
Enchanter of Biologicals


----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Subj: Re:A new enemy
Date: 96-11-20 17:38:26 EST
From: OnionGiant

Lug notices Doc is carrying a small hutch...it is shaking viggorously as
the occupant is aggressively trying to get out. Suddenly the small furry
creature addresses Doc Legion:

" Er, what's up, Doc?", and a noticable chomping is then heard.

Doc Legion only says, "Shhh!" to the furry animal, which is eating a carrot
and foaming about the mouth. The giant onion's eyes grow wide with
astonishment, then narrow with a (true neutral) gleam of excitement at this
newfound ally.

Lug, the Giant Onion

WW
((( )))
ONION IS KING!



----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Subj: Re:A new enemy
Date: 96-11-20 18:35:43 EST
From: Wiz Soong

Ack! The Onion Cult has become another KAAOS Conspiracy!

We need an investigative turnip to get to the bottom of this.



-WizS


----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Subj: What is THIS?
Date: 96-11-20 22:13:20 EST
From: MECH Alobe

Astonishing. More interest here than most non-sanc guildlings. Onions....a
root?...a legume?....Do I need to consult a herbivore for more information
on your weaknesses?
This clearly requires meditation.............(((nightmares of ONION Thor and
SCALLION Y invading my Emperor's domain....Minced ONION..ONION
Diced.......ahhhhhhh, overload pending, enable general root over-ride,,,))))
Awaiting more input..
MECH Alobe


----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Subj: Parathion X
Date: 96-11-20 22:34:40 EST
From: MECH Alobe

And now that I've painfully read your folder:

::filling biowarfare cannisters with Parathion X for you, Sir::
Thank you, little one
::raising tank pressure to 4 atm::
Good, enough to eradicate all the vegetable types in one fell swoop
::valves set to open on auto upon entry to "onion" field::
Hehe, that was easy. I have enough trouble with upstart mammalian
guilds--like I need this.
Oh , by the way Onion-breath people, play in character from here on out, ok?
(Remember most vegetables can't talk. Xelcon R a possible exception.....)

Next time, bring us worthy veggies- corn, beans, sauerkraut, etc..
MECH Alobe


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Subj: Re:Parathion X
Date: 96-11-20 22:44:18 EST
From: OnionGiant

}}}Oh , by the way Onion-breath people, play in character from here on out,
ok?{{{some rusted tin man.

During a lull in the events, the giant onion allows his mind (what mind
an onion had) to wander. He envisions knights jousting with plasma rifles,
makes a silly onion face, and says,

"Nah!"


WW
((()))
ONION IS KING!



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Subj: Re:A new enemy
Date: 96-11-21 03:46:37 EST
From: Aragon Ark

He sat in the tavern and pondered what he had been hearing, the rumuors that
the onions were indeed mustering with the garlic, the watermelons threatened
to roll over everything, and, um, and um...it was just too much.;x Downing
to quick shots of Vodka, he thinks to himself...faith will allow the carrots
to prevail, faith in the power of the carrots and in the teachings of the
Reverand Maynrd. Thinking of the Lady Primrose's fears, no this wan't about
what was good, or what was evil. It was about preventing the onions from
taking over. What if they weren't content with the carrots, and went after
the celery, asparagus, spinach, broccoli and the other vegetables, then went
to the Rose and Lilac bushes, then, in an unstoppable rampage, went after the
free-growth of herbs in the woods? The onions had to be stopped, the
Blashpemers had to be punished!!!!!!

-Ara-
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Subj: Re:A new enemy
Date: 96-11-21 11:28:29 EST
From: War Knight

{War had just completed putting the finishing touches on his enchantment of
the biologic when Hedron, Doc Legion, and Lug walk into the lab}

{War turns around and greets them with and evil smile spread across his face}

War Knight: I think it is complete. I was just about to test it on a subject,
so you are lucky to have shown up when you did. Here let me show you the
weapon.

{War then uncovers a cage}

Hedron: That is the weapon! But its all fuzzy and cute. What kind of weapon
is that!!!

{Hedron then moves towards the cage and makes a motion with his hand towards
it}

{War quickly moves in front and pulls Hedronís hand away}

War Knight: I wouldnít do that if I were you Hedron. This is not your garden
variety biologic. Let me demonstrate it.

Doc Legion: Should we use the spy I captured last night?

War Knight: Yes, he will be a fine test subject.

{Doc walks out of the lab and is heard shouting at the slaves to bring the
slave in}

{War then makes everyone step back some and opens the cage to get the
biologic}

Lug: Its just so cute and fuzzy. It makes me ill to see something like it.

{War smirks then comments}

War Knight: After this lil demo maybe your thoughts will change.

{The slave is wheeled in strapped to a hand truck, War stands facing away
from him with the biologic in his arms}

War Knight: As I understand it this is the Carrotís top spy. I believe his
name is Bond, Carrot Bond. Doc spotted him conversing with another operative
in the local tavern last night. Needless to say, he was an easy catch.
{smirk}

{War then turns and sets the lil furry cute biologic at the feet of the spy}

Carrot Bond: NO NO NOOOOOOOOOOOO NOT THAT!! ANYTHING BUT THAT!!! GET IT AWAY
FROM ME!!!
AAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYYIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEE EEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!

{With a lighting fast blow the biologic jumps and quickly beheads Carrot
Bond}

{The head falls to the floor and streams of carrot juice shoots from the
stump of his neck. The lil biologic then lands on the floor and hops over to
the head. It then starts to nibble on the check of Bonds face which is locked
in a gaze of fear}

{War turns around to face Hedron, Lug and Doc Legion}

War Knight: I think that was a successful test, donít you?
{The three of them stand with mouths agape as War walks over and picks up the
bunny}

War Knight: Now if you will excuse me, I have to cast the Vorpal enchantment
on 1000 more of these bunnies.


War Knight
KAAOS
Onion War General
Enchanter of Biologicals

WW
((( )))
ONION IS KING!



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Subj: Re:A new enemy
Date: 96-11-21 14:38:41 EST
From: Hedron

General War Knight, Colonol Legion... this is a most excellent weapon.
Please continue your efforts, but it is your Great Onion's wish that you
investigate this:

You must saddle the Vorpal Bunnies so that our brave Garlic troops may ride
into battle upon them. The carrots must be CCCRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRUSHED!

THE VORPAL BUNNY CAVALRY WILL RIDE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

But... {conspiratorial look} {whispering} i've heard news of a massing of
troops out in the barbarian badlands... no word as of yet who seeks to swoop
down like a vulture, but i tell you this - no matter what it bodes, it does
not bode well.

{once again in a louder voice} These preparations are excellent, gentle

Hedron
06-22-2004, 10:41 AM
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Subj: Re:A new enemy
Date: 96-11-21 14:38:41 EST
From: Hedron

General War Knight, Colonol Legion... this is a most excellent weapon.
Please continue your efforts, but it is your Great Onion's wish that you
investigate this:

You must saddle the Vorpal Bunnies so that our brave Garlic troops may ride
into battle upon them. The carrots must be CCCRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRUSHED!

THE VORPAL BUNNY CAVALRY WILL RIDE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

But... {conspiratorial look} {whispering} i've heard news of a massing of
troops out in the barbarian badlands... no word as of yet who seeks to swoop
down like a vulture, but i tell you this - no matter what it bodes, it does
not bode well.

{once again in a louder voice} These preparations are excellent, gentlemen.
But despite our desire to create even more surprises, the time draws near
when we must attack.

Colonel Legion - how stands the readiness of our troops?


Hedron
The Great Onion

\/\/\/
((()))
ONION IS KING!


----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Subj: Mourning...
Date: 96-11-21 17:13:59 EST
From: CarrotRule

CarrotRule walks into the Central Command Room of the Carrot Compound with a
grieving expression, looks around at the top commanders and allies, he spoke
softly:

"It saddens my heart greatly to inform you of a horrible news indeed...
Agent 007 met his demise last night at the hands of the devious Onion
generals. Please, I suggest a one minute silence for this great loss..."

After one minute has passed, the hero spoke again, this time with
determination and enthusiasm:

"However, not to the knowledge of the evil cult, Agent 007 let them
catch him with the knowledge of his fate, he made the most noble sacrifice to
ensure our victory. He infested himself with a deadly disease before he
leaked his identity on purpose, and as he expected, he was sent to test the
Cult's secret weapon... Alas.. a horrible biological weapon... Bunnies with
Vorpal enchantment!!! If the Onions had a calvary, the realm will stand no
chance!! Now, with the noble sacrifice of Agent 007, I have recieved news
that informed me the entire Vorpal Bunny Unite had caught the deadly
contagious desease and they are no more our worries!! I suggest another
minute of silence to remember the cost of such a victory..."

After the silence, the hero continued, "their Enchanter of Biologicals, War
Knight is a hideous soul... with him present, I'm afraid our cost of the
victory will be too great. I recommend ....so we can get rid of him once for
all..."

Lowering his voice, he discussed the plan with the other commanders and set
it in motion...

CarrotRule!!!
Smasher of Onions!!!
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Subj: Clean-up Crew. TEMPURA!!
Date: 96-11-21 20:17:02 EST
From: MECH Tasha

Tasha stands on the battlefield, awaiting her moment of triumph. She
mixes her batter a bit more and tastes it with her iron index
finger,....making a face, she decides the batter needs more flavoring.
Reaching for her ~Top Secret~ briefcase, she runs her soft, steel
fingers through the many dials and nobs needed to be unsecured before the
briefcase can be unlatched. Openning the briefcase, she reaches inside. As
the Mission Impossible theme song plays in the background,....she pulls out a
secret vile....taking the vile (making sure not to spill any of it), she
sprinkles a little into the batter. Slowly and accurately, she handles the
vile with utmost care and places it gently back into it's secret compartment
in the briefcase,...making sure to lock and secure the briefcase afterwards.
MIX MIX MIX....she mixes the batter well. Suddenly,...flames shoot out
of the batter that quickly dies down. Sticking her finger into the batter,
she tastes the contents.
"YES!" she shouts in joy,..."it is almost ready!" she grins wickedly.
Reaching for her DEEP FRYER-1000, she places it deftly on the table that
was placed in the middle of the battlefield. Going for the extension cord,
she realizes that she forgot to plug the fryer into the MECH compound's
electrical unit.
Shrugging, Tasha plugs the Fryer into her own power supply. Grinning
evily, she sits back and waits.....waiting for the oil to bubble,....and
waiting for her vegetables to arrive......
"The HOLY TEMPURA PLATTER will be sufficed this day!" she sits back in
the chair, with hands in back of head, "MUUUHAHAHHAHHHHAHAHA!!!!!"

@~Tasha!!!~@
BATTER ANGEL!!! 0;}



----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Subj: Re:Clean-up Crew. TEMPURA!!
Date: 96-11-21 21:16:36 EST
From: CHEFF JR

{giggles} Onions smelly....just like me.....I tink I go stink up da Carrots
place...and watch their little leafies wilt as my nockius fumes burn
them...{grins and picks up a bundle of his well aged diapers}

To War!!!
Da stinkers rule!!!!

JR
Brat
Cheffie Stink God


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Subj: Re:A new enemy
Date: 96-11-21 21:18:03 EST
From: Doc Legion

Sieg heil great onion.... well other than one of the vorpal bunnies dying of
some STD (i think he might have contracted from that 007 guy) we are mounted
and awaiting your word to march!!!


Doc Legion

WW
((()))


DA ONIONS WILL RULE DA WORLD!!!!


----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Subj: Re:A new enemy
Date: 96-11-22 10:06:56 EST
From: Hedron

The Great Onion stood alone and brooding in his onion topped tower. He
looked out over the expanse of the garden, his oniony eyes seeing all the
vegetation that thrives.

:::makes onion noises::::

then he sighed. Sometimes he wondered if this war between the Onions and the
Carrots was not wrong. Sometimes he wondered if perhaps all vegetables could
live in peace together. The leafy green, the tap roots, ... hell, everyone.
It could be such a world of peace and roughage.

If only they could all feel their common fiber bond! But the Carrots
insisted that they were the only vegetable with a soul, and that kind of
affront could NOT be tolerated! The Great Onion's fist slammed down on the
melba-toast table before him, shattering it into a million pieces. His eyes
lifted to the heavens, and his voice rang out

"BY THE GOD OF ALL VEGETABLES, THE GREEN GIANT, THIS CONCEIT -WILL- END!
AND IF WAR IS THE ONLY ROAD TO THAT END, THEN IT IS THE ROAD WE SHALL
TAKE!!!!!"

His voice fell silent, and he turned with a solemn look to his god's altar.
Kneeling down, he made the sign of the can (in which his savior had died),
and whispered his quiet prayer, "Ho Ho Ho, Green Giant."

Quickly he strode from the room in search of his generals. There was war to
make.

Hedron
The Great Onion

\/\/\/
((()))
ONION IS KING!

Azmodion
06-22-2004, 11:21 AM
LOL, That was some funny shit. I'm trying to remember how I got on the heathen list though. Was it from the Onions trying to make their way through the woods and running into the Ark toll booth? Or did one of those fucks connect the dots to the Maynrd post? ;p

War Knight
06-24-2004, 10:36 AM
Yes, this was some funny shit. NWN boards were always good for this sort of thing.